A MEMOIR
My Escape from Christian Patriarchy
By: Tia Levings
Narrator: Tia Levings
ISBN: 9781250349842
Publisher: Macmillan Audio
St. Martin's Press
Publication Date: 08/06/2024
Format: Audio
My Rating: 5 Stars (ALC) (ARC)
“Today it hit me when he hit me, blood shaking in my brain. Maybe there wasn’t a savior coming. Maybe it was up to me to save me.”
Recruited into the fundamentalist Quiverfull movement as a young wife, Tia Levings learned that being a good Christian meant following a list of additional life principles––a series of secret, special rules to obey. Being a godly and submissive wife in Christian Patriarchy included strict discipline, isolation, and an alternative lifestyle that appeared wholesome to outsiders. Women were to be silent, “keepers of the home.”
Tia knew that to their neighbors her family was strange, but she also couldn't risk exposing their secret lifestyle to police, doctors, teachers, or anyone outside of their church. Christians were called in scripture to be “in the world, not of it.” So, she hid in plain sight as years of abuse and pain followed. When Tia realized she was the only one who could protect her children from becoming the next generation of patriarchal men and submissive women, she began to resist and question how they lived. But in the patriarchy, a woman with opinions is in danger, and eventually, Tia faced an urgent and extreme choice: stay and face dire consequences, or flee with her children.
Told in a beautiful, honest, and sometimes harrowing voice, A Well-Trained Wife is an unforgettable and timely memoir about a woman's race to save herself and her family and details the ways that extreme views can manifest in a marriage.
Praise
"Levings debuts with a searing account of how she fled her abusive marriage and the fundamentalist theology in which it was rooted. Raised in a Southern Baptist church to believe she was destined to become a Christian wife and mother, the author met her future husband at 18 and married him a year later. She worked to accustom herself to his fits of rage, which worsened as he became interested in a strict Calvinist theology and began to physically abuse her. As the grim realities of their fundamentalist life set in (“No consent. No contraception. No choice”), she found solace in her children and the blog she began in the early aughts. Realizing that “I liked writer-Tia way more than church-Tia,” Levings sought to take control of her life, eventually leaving with her children in the middle of the night in 2007 and devoting herself to exposing the dangers of Christian fundamentalism. Levings’s visceral prose holds nothing back, and her efforts to let go of the patriarchal beliefs of her youth fascinate (after learning in therapy about the “fight-flight-freeze-fawn” response to trauma, she realized that fawning characterized her “entire childhood”: “It was in the tone of voice we were taught to use... our servant hearts”). This stands out among the rising tide of memoirs from those who’ve left the evangelical church. (Aug.)
—Publishers Weekly
"Searing...Levings’s visceral prose holds nothing back, and her efforts to let go of the patriarchal beliefs of her youth fascinate. This stands out among the rising tide of memoirs from those who’ve left the evangelical church."
-Publishers Weekly
"This book stands out among other narratives about overcoming religious trauma in that it peels back the layers of Christian fundamentalism, exposing why it’s so attractive to people hungry for assurance and certainty. A devastatingly triumphant story that will be a beacon for many women who suffer in silence."
-Kirkus Reviews, starred
“Rebellious and riveting- A Well trained Wife is a rare gem of a journey from horrific abuse to victorious healing. Not many survivors are willing to lift the veil of shame that shrouds most stories of domestic and cultic abuse. Private and painful, this important memoir will shine light on the darkest crimes within the religious patriarchy with hope for the future -A triumph for all survivors.” - Sarah Edmondson -author of Scarred: The True Story of How I Escaped NXIVM, the Cult That Bound My Life and host of “A Little Bit Culty” podcast
"It's hard to imagine the stores of courage Tia Levings drew on to write this gripping account of living in and then escaping the shackles of an abusive marriage fueled by high-control religion and dogmatic theology. With clear-eyed precision and riveting narrative voice, Levings pulls back the veil to expose the often clandestine, radical patriarchy found in many fundamentalist congregations—a doctrine that inflicts irreparable harm on girls and women by insisting their roles are to sustain and satisfy the men around them through submission and strict adherence to purity culture. For any of us whose religious upbringings were anywhere adjacent to these damaging mindsets, Levings revelations about her experiences reverberate to the core. A Well-Trained Wife is an unforgettable and incisive testament to one woman's daring to break free, speak truth to power, and finally find her authentic self along the path toward healing.
- Melanie Brooks, author of A Hard Silence and Writing Hard Stories
“In this brave memoir on domestic violence within Christian patriarchy, Tia Levings vulnerably shares her story of survival. With devastating detail, she reveals the many shades of abuse that happen within the world of evangelicalism, a world that was supposed to protect her. The many women who have walked this path from oppression to freedom will find solidarity in these pages.”
- Cait West, author of Rift
"I've never given a book a standing ovation until this one. A Well-Trained Wife is a prayer, for all of us. The world is lucky Tia Levings found her freedom and her voice. A reckoning for those who sanction abuse in the name of salvation."
- Ashleigh Renard, author of Swing
"With unflinching honesty and relentless self-reflection, Levings’ debut memoir is a portrait in courage."
- Julie Bogart, author of The Brave Learner and Raising Critical Thinkers
"A compelling, often disturbing account of one woman’s life in Christian fundamentalism.
After moving from Michigan to Florida, Levings’ mother thought joining a church might help the family acclimate to their new surroundings. The author, then a budding adolescent, was leery of the Baptist megachurch but eventually acquiesced. From there, the author progressed through youth group, summer camp, and a Christian school run by a Billy Graham–type figure. These influences provided a steady, unified stream of fundamentalist doctrine that led the author to blow past numerous red flags and marry her abusive boyfriend at age 19. Believing that his behavior was partly caused by her not being submissive enough, she tried to appease him by yielding more fully to his demands. Instead, it further fueled his tyrannical view of biblical patriarchy. When Levings failed to meet his expectations, he spanked her with a belt and mandated sex as a necessary part of the discipline process. “He wanted me to call him ‘my lord,’” she writes. “Wear only dresses. Cover my head with a scarf to show submission and modesty.” Meanwhile, she writes, he “turned to the men’s forums where husbands could get advice on how to make their wives cooperate.” Eventually, Levings discovered a virtual community of liberal-leaning, art-loving Christian women who, among others, provided a safety net when her marriage came to a cataclysmic head. The author pulls no punches in recounting nearly 15 years of oppression and abuse, painting a visceral portrait of her then-monochromatic world with bold strokes of linguistic color and sensory detail. This book stands out among other narratives about overcoming religious trauma in that it peels back the layers of Christian fundamentalism, exposing why it’s so attractive to people hungry for assurance and certainty.
A devastatingly triumphant story that will be a beacon for many women who suffer in silence."
—Kirkus Reviews (starred)
About the Author
Tia Levings grew up in a Southern Baptist megachurch, was recruited into fundamentalism by mentors following Bill Gothard's IBLP (Institute of Basic Life Principles), and eventually landed in a high control group (cult) that taught Federalist Marriage: the idea that husbands are responsible for their wives before God, and so are accountable to lead and discipline them as children. She was excommunicated and formally shunned in 2007 and narrowly escaped that violent marriage with her 4 children later that year. She started trauma therapy for CPTSD in 2008. Today she's an author & advocate who supports survivors of religious trauma and educates on the abuses in Christian Fundamentalism. Tia believes that how the fundamentalists run their homes is how they want run the country ––and that's why it's vital to understand what it's really like to live that way.
A few personal details:
I’m also a Content Strategist with 20 years in marketing. I offer those services at workingwriter.info
I’m Mom to four incredible young adults. Favorite hooman of dog Georgia and cat Howard.
I love to hike, daydream and travel slowly. I now identify as spiritually private, because it was having a binary, firm answer to life’s mysterious questions that got me into fundamentalism in the first place. I don’t believe there’s a magic formula or set of rules to help us escape the Human Experience.
I also paint and love movies.
